So, the past few days I've been a little worried and stressed. Heather and I recently found out that we lost one of our major monthly supporters and are still in need of about $800 more a month to meet our support goal. My worry and stress kept me up most of Sunday night and into the early hours of Monday morning. Sadly, my worry and stress led me to being short my wonderful wife.
Realizing my fault and embarrassment of being short with Heather, I took some time alone to read my bible. After spending some time with God I picked up the book "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan, a book I have procrastinated on reading all summer.
Chapter 2 of the book met me right were I was at, as if by divine appointment. Chan writes:
"When I am consumed by my problems -- stressed about my life, my family, and my job -- I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God's command to always rejoice. In other words, that I have the "right" to disobey God because of the magnitude of my responsibilities.
Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives.
Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatiences, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control.
Basically, these two behaviors communicate that it's okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional. Both worry and stress reek of arrogance. They declare our tendency to forget that we've been forgiven, that our lives here are brief, that we are headed to a place where we won't be lonely, afraid, or hurt ever again, and that in the context of God's strength, our problems are small, indeed." (Francis Chan "Crazy Love" p 39-40)
After reading this I realized how foolish I had acted. I needed God's forgiveness for my failure to trust him and forgiveness for my lack of patience and grace with Heather.
Yesterday, God did provide for us. We received about $200 of the $800 that we are in need of. I believe fully that God will provide for us one way or another, whether we reach our exact goal or not.
Francis Chan goes on to say that, "If life were stable, I'd never need God's help. Since it's not, I reach out for Him regularly. I am thankful for the unknowns and that I don't have control, because it makes me run to God." (p 43).
As Heather and I prepare for our cross-country move on Saturday, there are still some unknowns but I am thankful for the reminder that I don't have to have all the answers and I don't have to be in control, because it allows us to run into his loving arms.
Running free,
Chad and Heather
